PAUSE: Take Your Power Back from an ‘Always On’ Culture

Ali Taylor 0:19
All right. Hello, hello, welcome to Wednesday wisdom series Live. My name is Ali Taylor, I am the founder and consultant and wisdom and way finder. This series is all about if you unless you've discovered the secret to everlasting life, you don't have enough time to learn everything there is about running, growing and scaling a business on your own. And so that's why I've launched a series where experienced professionals will share their wisdom so that you can save some time and get further ahead than you would on your own. And I am excited to have Kim Groesbeck here with me today. Kim is a seasoned business professional with over 35 years of experience working with different fortune 100 companies like Kraft, GE, New York University, UW Madison. She is also a registered yoga teacher with yoga Alliance. And in her corporate background, she is known for her work in promoting digital detox and mindfulness offering a philosophy called pause power to help individuals thrive in the digital age. And her mission is to make life easier for people by empowering them through effective time management techniques and restoring balance in their life. Thank you for being here today. Kim,

Kim Groshek 1:34
thank you for having me ally. Of course,

Ali Taylor 1:37
of course, you are. Even though your whole thing is about the pause power, you are one of the most productive people, human beings that I've ever met at any time in my life. How do you like, just give me a quick picture of your day? Like how do you get started? How do you make it all happen? Yeah,

Kim Groshek 1:58
so I use a methodology called the time box, which is something that I labeled, but it's very similar to the Pareto method. And I really plan out my year, my weeks, and then my days, and I'm proactively looking at that ahead of time. And my time box is really specific to a 15 minute increment, which is a little bit different than a lot of the methods out there. And it also contains some soft skills in it. And when within it, it is that you actually get results when you get done with being in the box. So that being said, when you first come in, you decide what you're going to do in the smallest little bit little bit of information, which is like my podcast, right? It's all about the minor little things that you can really focus on. Yeah, then you can actually accomplish within that 15 minutes, so that you see results. But then you have to agree that you're going to do it. That's the big thing. Because I think sometimes when we say we're going to drink eight glasses of water a day, for instance, and we don't usually do that, we get up in the morning, and then we really didn't say we say it, but we didn't really agree. So then what happens is we don't really follow through with it. Yeah, right. So within the 15 Minute increment, first of all, it gives you a space and time, that's small enough that you can then go through the process within the 15 minutes, get the results. But if you don't achieve the results, there's another element called forgiveness. Or you look back, you know, like you do for project management, where you do lessons learned in some respects, but looking back, and then saying that you forgive yourself for maybe not, you know, maybe, you know, it's because we're so hard on ourselves, right? So it's like just releasing forgiveness, right? And then it is looking back and learning because we may have chunked it out too big. Then there's this learning process in it, but it's a very small, very small, and it then helps you get it off your plate, which I call French wine, because we all and I would say like we're living in like Charlie Brown, right? I'm Pigpen with the dirt around me all the time. You know, yeah. And it's kind of like just Okay, so we're gonna finish Wha, which means that's when I say, clearing out, get to the focus, get the two nuggets done. Now you have two nuggets off your plate, right, then Shuang and you're getting focused and all of a sudden you feel more streamline and you'll hear people say when they work with me. I feel streamlined and more focused now. Yeah. So that's what I do. But my day is really, I mean, I can tell you all the different things that I do during the day but it's about that design, and then the night before or the day before depending upon what I'm doing and what piece of the puzzle. I'll look at tomorrow. Like, for instance, when I'm doing conversations, you and I both have a lot of conversations and networking that we do. The plan is to have conversations, but then there's a target in the end. So the day before I look at what is my, you know, the conversation, but what's the target, which is the results?

Ali Taylor 5:18
Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Right. Like, I like the fact that you're looking ahead, right, taking the time, first of all, just taking the time the night before, to set yourself up for success for tomorrow, but then planning out those conversations, and really what it is that you want the end result to be, I feel like a lot of people just kind of wake up and you know, first of all, they don't, they don't make those agreements about what it is they're going to commit to what they're going to actually accomplish. And then they spend all day just beating themselves up like, Oh, crap, I didn't, didn't do that. I said I was going to do in the morning. And so that takes precious energy away from the rest of the day. You've got it set up that one, you you strategize and you plan your success for the day before, and then what do you want those outcome of those conversations to be? Whereas I feel like most people are just kind of stumbling along and why No, I need to call this person but I don't know why I need to call them. Right. And I need to get out of that conversation. Yeah, and

Kim Groshek 6:16
here's the thing when you you just made a big point about the fact that you beat yourself up. So the whole point is, I label things right. I have written I read chapters in books, you know, colabs and stuff. And there was one chapter that I wrote about Gremlins in your head, right. So we can choose right as Gremlins because Gremlins are always like around us right in our stories that we can either let within ourselves or not. And the Gremlins show up and they're either positive, you know, that whole positive negative thing that happens? Yeah, those Gremlins around us, right, we can walk right through the gremlins. So first of all, when you say that, you know, we beat ourselves up, those are the Gremlins that are happening that are coming at us. But those Gremlins wouldn't even happen because you already achieved those results. Right? Yeah. But if they do, right, you learn to be powerful and walk right through them. Because Gremlins are not powerful at all. Yeah. Unless

Ali Taylor 7:13
you throw water on them. And then they just multiply. Yeah, they melt. They melt. I know there's a lot of people born after the 80s who were like, What the hell are you guys talking? Oh, no, they

Kim Groshek 7:27
get they get it? They get it? Because my daughter was born in 89. And she totally gets it. Nice. Nice. That's awesome.

Ali Taylor 7:37
Yeah, so I mean, you know, that is, so when you take the time to do all that work? Is that how you got to the process of creating this whole pause powered philosophy? How did you get there?

Kim Groshek 7:50
Okay, so first of all, let me go back to why why I have these skill sets to begin with, and then we'll go into the past. Okay, I attribute my methods that I learned from my mother, my mother taught me this when I was very little. And I built on that in all of the things that I've done. I sharpen my toolset. So I give her she gave me that gift. And I say that to her all the time because she does in your 80s you end up beating yourself up looking back and thinking you didn't do something right. We do this to ourselves. Yeah. And I just want to tell the world that my mother was the one that gave me this gift, what are the gifts. So the second thing is relating to the pauses the whole story around this, but this has to do with my dad. Everything is based on family. For me, my legacy is for my daughter, everything that I do is for my home, my husband and you know, you name it. But when I didn't realize this, I mean, I say it later, but when I was younger, probably about five years old. My dad was a computer science computer operator. That's what they called it back then. Back then there were gigantic room, you know, rooms of computers. And then in the middle of them, they had these keyboards and I used to go with my mom and my sisters and my brother to work with my dad. And we'd sit on the keyboards and we'd type and we see the little punch cards or IBM cards coming through. Right. And I was fascinated that my mom who was a really fast typist, could type fast number one and then she could make Christmas trees out of those digits. I don't know how she did it. I just tried and tried to disconnect the Rubik's Cube. I never could get that to work. Anyway, it turned out that I transitioned into being a computer scientist as a trade. Of course, I got an education degree. I was supposed to be passionate, I did all kinds of crazy things. But that made me who I am today from being able to walk those different walks those different paths, right. But I through my process of all the education I had and the PhDs or whatever you have, right i I came around to about it was about 10 years ago, when I made a prediction that we were going to be where we are today with the devices driving in the bus driver seat, and we will be in the backseat, I've made that prediction, I knew it was happening. But halfway through, I was an early adopter of social media, the first adopter because it was teaching at the university part time while I was working, right. And all you know, only universities are certain or universities that could not get access to social media. And I knew already that as I was applying the social media methodology in my life, that it could be addictive. And so about 10 years ago, I found myself like, it was like a, you're outside watching yourself, do this stuff. And then you come back to some, you know, subjectively, objectively severe, always back and forth with yourself. And there were mornings where I'd wake up, and I would get on the, you know, into social media, because my family's in there. And that, Brian, all these different things. And I got, it was all consuming. And pretty soon, four hours later, I'm still in there. So I said enough is enough. And I disconnected, deactivated my account for six months. And I thought this for a year, I called them and said done, we're out. And I told my husband, I'll use your phone for what if people need to call me they can call me. i Yes, I I mean, I work for these large companies. So I work from home when remote wasn't, it was a not many missed Oh, right. And so I you know, I knew I still could communicate this way. But that was it. And I did that for a whole year. And that became the pause later I labeled it pause later. I then filled it with I love to write, so I would get up in the morning. And I would meditate and I would write for 15 minutes. And pretty soon the writing turned into an hour I started compiling my journals and poetry that I'd write each day into a weak thing. And I'd send it out to my friends pretty soon I had to under people want to get they did reach out to me say I want your emails, I just sent an email, I didn't do that. And that all accumulated then I started setting goals to you know, I could swim but I got into a master swim because I wanted to do an Ironman, you know all these things that started to like I got more time back. So fast forward until just it was only a year and a half ago, when I retired from the industry after 35 years, I was asked by Cornell University to apply for the TEDx stage, right? And I'm not going to go out on stage, you know, me, you and I, I want to learn and do it right? On stage. get me wrong. I've spoken on many stages, but TEDx is are different. And so I got into a program, a thought leader program that taught you how to get to that little nugget that we just talked about to an nth degree nugget on TEDx. Right. It's very specific. And it took me about six months to practice different ideas, because I know 10 million ideas, you know. And it turned out that that little stories I just shared with you. And then the impact of I just needed to take a pause was what came up. And everyone it was like a you know, what do you call it as pindrop? Moment? Yeah. Or like Trump moment? Yeah, yeah. Because I was. I'm a computer scientist. And here I am working in companies putting the infrastructure and the people in place. And now I'm saying stop using it. Now, I'm not saying stop entirely. I'm saying yes, there's a balance. But what's happening, it's to the extreme now where people are losing losing their mind, loot, and people are committing suicide. And I'm not. I mean, that's what happened in June when I said that enough is enough. And that's when I hit the ground and said, I gotta get some pause challenge in place. I gotta get this stuff moving. Because what if we got a pause? And imbalance

Ali Taylor 14:16
now we're at such an imbalance with the level of engagement with our technology and the loneliness epidemic and the impact on you know, many of the relationships, the parasocial relationships that we have our, you know, being interrupted by this device and social media. And so it's interesting that you saw that coming. So early on, even even at the very nascent stages of social media being built before it was even released to them. You know, I think before Facebook was even released to the public, you saw that

Kim Groshek 14:49
I did. In fact, it was funny because we went to Belize around that time, and I actually stopped working for companies for a bit. I said, I'm gonna take a break, because I had my own company I could decide went to went to work or not. And I was talking to these, this older couple because what I did was I started reading kids books on the little bits of information about empowering kids to get outside the dorm, play, be creative, whatever, meet a friend and in person, even though at that time, the devices weren't even really there yet. Yeah, but I created these books. And they were like Dr. Seuss II, there were three of them called bugs adventure series. And then I did Nate, the dragon says bullying, because bullying was like not being addressed. And it's all about the people and not being conscious of the heart of someone, like people are just walking all over everyone. Right. And so then I was telling this, this older couple and Billy's that it's a what do you do it, you know, and I said, Well, I'm, I want to get this out there because I want to give the kids power back. Because no one's not saying parent parents are doing the best they can. But I think they're relying on teaching the kids through technology so much that they're missing out on the fact that they're, the kids aren't skinning their knees and getting back up and learning the mistake that they made by skin falling down, because they were doing whatever

Ali Taylor 16:10
parents are also they're just sort of passing on the same programming that they got, right, then, you know, grew up with sort of the social media, but also like the, you know, I think about Ted Turner and starting a whole CNN and 24 Hour News Channel. And that being something that just dominated our attention span, and then a different version of it being with the technology that got created, and then chat rooms. And so it's just the technology is just exacerbating and speeding up, sort of those worst instincts. And so yeah, the parents are just passing on the same negative programming that they got to their own.

Kim Groshek 16:46
And it's not just about the parents. So here's the thing, I woke up one day about a week ago, and my husband likes to listen to on Sunday morning news, or whatever. And I heard heard someone talking on the telephone, television, I didn't know I heard someone talking. And I said, that can't be a person. Because there was a little bit of a little a little bit of right. And then I went in and sure enough, it was it was a person talking on television. So here's the thing, the pause, you know, we're talking so fast, because the technology is is it's like we're trying to keep up with technology. So we're learning these behaviors and how we speak. And then so the pause helps us then also when we speak, slow down so that you and I can communicate each other and understand each other. And you can catch up to me and I can catch up to you.

Ali Taylor 17:34
Yeah. Yeah, it's, well, now I'm just going to be very conscious of how fast I'm speaking in the rest of this conversation moving forward.

Kim Groshek 17:46
Yeah, yeah. And even taking even taking the pause in between, it gets uncomfortable for people. And when we practice the pause, there were you know, there's a group of 15 of us that were practicing back in October. And there were many people that just couldn't fathom, either fitting the pause in because I'm too busy. Yep. Or how do I pause? What do and that's sometimes I in fact, that was an interview yesterday, and they're saying, what do you do when you pause? Well, there's so many different things. Pause. It's just really a way to remind yourself to pause on whatever it is you to breathe, you can pause to get away from the chaos. Pause to speak, right. Yeah, it's all it's an it just it's a reminder to remind our word, right?

Ali Taylor 18:38
Yeah, it's the the power of being present. Yes, is really, you know, for me, when I hear the pause being all about, I can actually be present in this moment. I'm not filling this space, or filling any silence spaces with conversation, because I'm thinking about what's going on in my head and trying to make a good impression, or, you know, is this person you know, what's going on with this person, that they're not saying anything, I think so much. Just the social skills that we have, as a society, it's sort of degraded, because people aren't willing to just take that moment to just be with themselves. Yeah, I mean, even with with scrolling on social media, you know, even if you're not doing anything else, you're not with another human being, we think that Well, I'm just gonna veg out you know, had a really hard day at work, or I need to, you know, some time to get away, but then you're just sitting on this device, and you're not giving your own thoughts. You're not even being present with yourself inside of that pause. So, yeah,

Kim Groshek 19:43
I mean, I was just, I was just watching a video of this old man who is actually mimicking a young child coming home from school, and the things that the little child did, and the first thing the little child did was came home and went to bed went to his bed, his bed was a man and covered up and then took his nap. And then he got he went looked and then you Oh, oh, I gotta go get my snack now. So then he went and got a snack and this old man, I mean, it's like, and they were making fun of it. Yeah, but it's reality.

Ali Taylor 20:15
Yeah.

Kim Groshek 20:18
I mean that when I got home from school that I didn't go to bed when I was a child, no, there's a difference, right

Ali Taylor 20:24
chores, homework, you know?

Kim Groshek 20:28
Alright. So I mean, you know, I'm not saying I'm just saying that. It's a no, now, it was a normal thing back then to just go home, do the chores, do the homework, go play with the friends out and outdoors, because we'd always have our neighbor friends we play with. And now it has to be a conscious effort because we are doing these different things. That's all it is.

Ali Taylor 20:53
Yeah, I feel like so much of life requires intentionality. Now, because there's so much that is competing for our time, our attention every hour. I mean, you hear it now, especially on marketing and social media channels, where it's like, we live in an intention, economy, right, everything is all about getting squeezing out every ounce of attention that they can get out of you. So yeah, to pause,

Kim Groshek 21:21
the pause, that's that's a whole element behind pause. So there's your answer. I mean, truly, that is what it is. And when I'm out on stage, or I'm out just talking to an individual, I hope to leave every conversation to say, you know, not to say but that they are taking pause with them and practicing it. Yeah, whatever works for them in their lives, to empower them to be free. Right.

Ali Taylor 21:48
Yeah, absolutely. So what are some results that you know, when you work with, whether it's individual clients or corporate clients, you know, in that atmosphere? What are some of the results that people have gotten from implementing your paws method? Well, I'll,

Kim Groshek 22:05
there's different types of results. I'll give you one client example for 90 days. There was a she basically was in bed, and and every time she'd get up, she'd be drinking alcohol. She had a lot of going on, right? So she I helped her put structures in her plate in her day where she had, I think it was there's some kind of meditation seven days, seven, seven step thing, I can't remember the name of it, that she selected, everyone's like something different. So she, she did it every morning, and two to 15 minute buckets for herself, because it took 15 to 30 minutes. She applied that, and then she started to apply exercise in her life. And then what there are all kinds of things that she did, but then what the results of it, she was very happy, right? She lost in 90 days, 65 pounds, and got a whole new job where she totally different job. And she was with a partner were of 20 years living separated, but a partner, they never got married, right, which is fine. I mean, whatever. She moved in with him, I got married. I mean, her whole life just shifted. And it all had to do with you know, that, you know, just moving forward and focusing and putting the right structures and clearing out that plate and getting, you know, getting streamlined. Yeah.

Ali Taylor 23:38
Wow. That's, that's incredible. Yeah, yeah. Wow. And then I'm sorry, good. No, I'm good. Yeah, so for, you know, for a corporate client for because we know, like the workplace is. Obviously the pandemic was was such a massive disruption to how people were used to doing business, how, you know, companies were used to sort of operating and now you know, we have to work from home, and then there's the push for people to come back to the office. So in that regard, how can the pause the power of the pause, make a difference in their in terms of company culture, and then those results? Yep.

Kim Groshek 24:28
So I have been working with different organizations in departments specific departments right now. And there is a lot of hours on going on right where you're either if you're hybrid, right, where you're partially in the office and partially out. That's typically a lot of the companies. It's hard to move all the way back, but many are fully remote and they never went back to the hybrid. And they, you know, you go from meeting to meeting to Meeting at the top of the hour, and many of them have now implemented a 15 minute break in between pause in between meetings as a policy, or not a policy because you can't put that kind of policy in place, they actually implement it as a kind of a soft process for themselves. And the reason why they're doing it too, and they're seeing such benefit is that they were struggling with not being able to catch up emotionally. There were many times when you know how it is chaotic? Yeah. And there are times when people are not very happy, or there could be some anger, anger, things happening or anxiety. There's a lot of things going on in these meetings that no one really knows what's going on, right? I mean, I do because I was there you do, you were there. But you know, they go from this real chaotic meeting to another one without being able to actually write in your body is then taking that all in, and then getting sick, you'll see you're seeing a lot of that or you're seeing people with heart attacks or strokes or things are happening, right, especially at the higher the C suites because they're not they're always feeling like their angst or so many pressures politically, right. So that's one of the things that they've been implementing and trying on, it's working really well, as well as some are trying piloting out the program around the challenge to pause for five days, once a month, each month.

Ali Taylor 26:30
Say more about that. So what what

Kim Groshek 26:33
what I do is actually bring this into companies, and then what they do is they promise, they actually promised they have to sign an agreement, that they're going to pause for 15 minutes a day, that may be whatever choice they do, they can do five minute increments at the top of the hour, or they can just do it, you know, it's really empowering them to make that choice. They do it for five days. And then you see this major transformation. A lot of people that have been applying it, say they get time back just it's this this time, and it's all about mental time. Right? Yeah. Because we aren't catching up mentally. So yeah, so you know, they, and they run through it. It's like a, you know, every month, they keep on transforming, becoming more connected. And some of them in the schools also are doing this, but in there actually collaborating across department, you know, how we have issues with silos? Oh, yeah. So they are then able to do some mentorship across the school grades, when they do this, this five day challenge. So it's

Ali Taylor 27:40
pretty cool. Yeah, that's awesome. And it's, it just aligns with, it's funny how so much of business, especially with the corporate culture in the last 20 years or so has tried to circumvent or push past, just human biology, with I remember reading a study a long time ago that when it comes to task switching, context, switching our brains or our bodies need about 15 minutes, in order to so like if you're doing a task, and then you get interrupted, it takes you about 15 minutes to get back to the point at which you got interrupted,

Kim Groshek 28:22
right. And that's why it's very critical to do this 15 minute time box, because I've implemented this in companies. And that's what made one of my successes. By the way, I've been doing this for 35 years. And there were large companies that would come in that tried to do these transformations, and they end up being siloed. So then they'd bring me in, yeah, and implement it. And I'd have leaders of about 150 leaders across the globe, with gigantic teams. And how I did it was to break it down into these increments to get the agreements. Because you we all have a short attention span, we can't take big chunks like this and try to get something done in six months, you down into little pieces. But it wasn't in a plan at all. It was all about human interaction about talking about what we want, empowering what, you know, empowering people, because if you do what you want, right, that comes from your values and your heart. Yeah. And then it drives you to do what you want to do and get it done. Yeah.

Ali Taylor 29:22
Yeah, that's fantastic. It's such a needed and needed thing, especially in these in this time and age where it's so much it's just trying to be about being productive and produce produce produce in this society. And, you know, like I said, before, that attention economy trying to extract as much attention as possible in order to get as much productivity as possible. It's like such a, such a clash against the way that we're just physically designed and meant to operate. Right. Yeah. So a couple questions here. In terms of So what like, what do you see next? How else do you see this being implemented?

Kim Groshek 30:07
How else do I see this being implemented? Everyone? Well, I see that everyone's going to take it and design it the way they want and implemented the way they want. I've seen people, I already see people applying it, and you're hearing people say, let's take a pause for a moment. You're hearing it on the media. Yeah, there are really intentional things that I do that I think what's next everyone could do. And that is I actually don't turn on the TV at all. Yeah. And yeah, I mean, it really is because it's, it's, it's, it's like there is there is a track around that. I mean, it's one it's it's only one by it's not unidirectional, or whatever. It's one way. Yeah, or whatever. And there are so many different ways to look at things. And we're losing out on all those so many different ways, because we're just looking at that when when, you know, screen. And that's, you know, the phones and everything. I mean, it's everything, right? That's a screen. It's it's not three dimensional, right? And it's more than three dimensional. The universe is more than three dimensional. Yes, yeah. Okay. So we as humans are part of that dimension. And we're losing that. So I'm saying that the power comes from you, as an individual. And you have a choice to pause, and practice a pause that works for you in different ways, because there's so many different ways you can use it. And that is, what's next is you take it and you run with it. And using it the way it works for you and your life.

Ali Taylor 31:46
Yeah, I love that. I love that you include that part about like, it's a choice, right? Like, over being overwhelmed is a choice. Yeah, I mean, it might be a radical choice, especially in this day and age where so much is about hijacking your attention. But yeah, it is. It's a choice to be overwhelmed.

Kim Groshek 32:06
Yeah, I mean, I am an artist. I don't know, the timing on this. Hopefully, I can speak a little more. Yeah, we got plenty of time. I'm an artist. And there was a series that I did where I called the storm, the storm. And, you know, I see myself many times if you if you want to call it or tornado, right? I'm walking through that step by step. Because I'm intentionally walking, and I'm intentionally taking a step by step as the storm is happening around me and I have all these paintings around storm, and how I look in it. Yeah. And I don't necessarily know if everyone is doing that. I don't know. I can't say yes or no, I don't. I can say that. That's what I do. Yeah. And it isn't always easy being in that space. And sometimes I even say, I'm in a black hole at times, because there is the emotion part of it that we have to live in. And I think even that we're avoiding, and if we don't settle in our emotions, even just for a second, we're losing out on who we are. Because you know, all of those emotions are a part of experiencing life. Right? Yeah, well, that is such a critical element. And when you ask, you know, when you had mentioned, introduce me in the beginning, and said that I was probably the most productive person that you've met, that's how I do it, it's I each little minor step I take, right, and I stop and let my foot position. And if it's that I have to take my shoe off and walk barefoot for a moment, I do and hold the shoe and be caught intentionally about holding the shoe, and then putting the shoe back on and then tie my shoe as I go. So that I'm not losing out on the things that I need to really experience and learn. Because many times we find ourselves in these always doing the same thing over and over and over again. And part of what I teach and I see in people is I help them go into those spaces that they keep stepping over that make them keep going like this. No longer do this anymore. Yeah,

Ali Taylor 34:24
instead of being stuck on a hamster wheel, it's, first of all, recognize that you're on the hamster wheel, and then make an intentional and conscious choice to do something different to step off. Right? Yeah, so maybe it's not a matter of that you're, you are one of the most productive people but that comes from the intentionality and the effected effectiveness of the actions that you take. Because you're not just doing this swirl of activity of like, oh, let me be busy for the sake of being busy. Right. Like we were saying with the conversation in terms of people Not being comfortable with the silence. It's like, well, let me say something because it's uncomfortable for me to not say something. It's also the same thing in terms of our actions where it's like, well, let me do something because it's not comfortable for me to not do something.

Kim Groshek 35:14
Yeah, well, here, here's the thing. We every my husband and I are very intentional, intentional, intentional about going on vacation. And what we do is, we leave our phones at home for the seven days that we may go on a bike trip along with Michigan, for instance. And we set that intention upfront. And if and sometimes I don't follow it in the beginning. And he'll pull me aside and said, if you pull up on out, we're going home? Because we made an agreement. Yes. Not that he's like that. But what I'm saying is, this is because I do get into it. Because I'm a computer scientist. This is like a creative thing. I've done it for years. Right? And I was my first computer was a zeal. So I think we're, I was talking to someone else. And I used to do Das, and all those things that people don't do anymore, right.

Ali Taylor 36:06
Anything I've heard of that brand before, the oldest one I had was a gateway.

Kim Groshek 36:12
But yeah, so we do. And then people ask me, How do you do that? Well, we did it when I was growing up. We didn't have to have the phone with us. And here's the thing, you just put your emergency structure in place, my daughter knows, you know, I can call if I need to through this other line, if I need to. Or she can reach us if there's an emergency that she needs to right. So the emergency line, you always set that up. Yeah. Before these were in place. So it and I even as as what I did for after I paused and you know, 10 years ago, I actually didn't. While I was pausing that whole year, I didn't have the phone. People couldn't believe that I was still working remote and traveling without a phone. And I could you can.

Ali Taylor 36:59
I know. It's like just boggles their mind.

Kim Groshek 37:02
I know. It's just it's a it's a practice, proactive practice. But again, you hear the process is the same. It's a timebox process where we both set, we're doing a seven day trip, we're gonna do bike trip all the way from south of Michigan all the way up. And we are going to not have our phones. And we both agree. Yes. And we make each other accountable for the Yes. Right? Because there are times right. And we do it. And it you know, it's not that's not the only thing we you know, we do many things like yeah, I went on a bike ride yesterday with my husband, and we were riding and I did not take my my phone because I I just didn't. And you know, halfway through, we saw someone's two people sitting on a bench taking a break and guess what they're doing on their phones sitting in their phones, and it's like you're out in nature. You're looking at lefty, the alligator, go look at that, do the alligator rolling up there are missing out, right? Yeah.

Ali Taylor 38:05
You know, what you just said about the one just the level of relationship that you have with your husband? I think a lot of people say that that's what they want. But they're not willing to put in the work to actually do that. Like, oh, wait, hold on, I got to be with my partner, and not have my phone with me not have that outside line. It's like, oh, yeah, that's the person that you chose to, to marry and be in relationship with, like, be with that person when you're with that person. And not the, you know, 500 or 800, Facebook friends or Instagram followers that you have, like be connected with the person that's in front of you. So it's such an important lesson there. And I, I would imagine that your relationship with your husband is so much stronger, so much richer and more generous between the two because you have those agreements, and you take that time intentionally to spend with one another. Yeah,

Kim Groshek 38:57
I mean, I talk a lot about transitions in relationships. And it's not always easy and pausing in your relationship. And then having the conversations is very, very critical. Especially during those major times like when you're going to retire which are really difficult. Empty Nest, empty nest when your kids leave. You are like this because your kids, your kids were in between. I don't mean that not I don't know how else to explain it. But your kids here that's what's forming you to keep moving. You each have your own identities in your careers or whatever you're doing. And then all of a sudden your kids are gone. There's this like, Oh, now what are we going to do? Well, that takes not I don't know if it's work, but what it is, is the Congress effort, effort. It's the conversations to have to bring you back together and I will say it's it's ebbing and flowing right because it's always like this in human friendship, and human relationships. I've got a lot of different friends that it ebbs and flows. I have a friend who have 40 years that we're, she's doing this way over here, and I'm doing this way over here, but we still are always trying to do this. And it's, you know, it is a conscious effort to reach out and just talk and have a conversation. You know, it is about I do believe it's about communication and articulation. And I think they're missing in because of Facebook, or social media, whatever we want to call it, right? Is all different platforms. But that is a Yeah, I can I can look. And I can converse one directional, but if you're talking, I'm gonna go have coffee, like you and I are talking right now. Coffee, and or whatever you're drinking, I don't know, I'm drinking coffee. You know, and we're, we're, we're connecting, and you're agreeing and disagreeing. And I'm agreeing and doesn't we're having intentional focus and conversation, we're getting to know each other better. And now, you know, it's all about that, right?

Ali Taylor 41:02
Yeah. Yeah, and so many people don't know how to do that without a phone in their hand or without social media. Like, I have friends that I like, we our primary form of communication is just sending memes, and Instagram reels or tic TOCs back and forth. You know, but for, but the best versions of those types of friendships are ones where we've spent time face to face, we've gone through those hard moments, those transitions where we've been able to just connect eye to eye, and I feel like so many people today, it's like, you know, something, some little thing happens in that relationship. And then there's just a break, and there's no repairing of that relationship, because we've had relied on this the whole time.

Kim Groshek 41:46
Well, I think that part yeah, like I think your mind, it's like pivoting, which is part of the shift that I also talked about. And the pivoting doesn't happen. So when we're talking and coming back to that conversation about just to relate it to what we're talking about with the time box, is there are times when things don't work the way you think. And there's a pivot that happens in the pivot is looking back, making a forgiveness effort and then saying, Oh, maybe I don't do that. Again. I do it different next time. That's right. And in the conversations the same way at the articulation of that. So this morning, my husband and I were talking about we listened to this this morning show, and they were talking about this app, because they're saying, Well, you know, my wife writes down a list, right? Yeah, we'll put it in the right order. Because when I go to the grocery store, you should put it in the order of the way you go through the grocery store, which was really kind of fun to listen to. And my husband was laughing because he's this he's like, yeah, that's how it is, you know, I mean, he's he likes to follow the grocery store thing. And then they mentioned this app that you can put your list in, and then it puts it in the right order, operate between the those pulses. And I said, Oh, I'm gonna download that app. And then I thought, but we have a pretty nice system because we talk about it. He knows I like to have my peanut m&ms. Shopping. And he said, I don't you don't even need to put peanut m&ms in there. Because I already know that you see what I'm saying. But if you're missing out on the that the fun that we have, when he'll he'll come to me and say, I'm going to the store. What would you like, Would you do need anything? Would you like to? I mean, that's a conversation you're missing out on when you put it in an app. Right? Yeah.

Ali Taylor 43:37
texter. Yeah, yeah,

Kim Groshek 43:39
yeah. And you make that decision. And that Texas, I mean, it's, it's just the whole point that you now lost that mode of communication by having the app and you no longer know he, he's in the bedroom, and I'm in the kitchen. And now we're not even talking? Yeah. This way, he comes to me and says, I'm going to the store. Did you want some peanut m&ms? Or something? Whatever it is? Or do you need something? He's talking to me? You see the difference? Yeah. So that's I think, each time a new app comes out, it's an intentional decision. Whether to use it, I choose not to use those kinds of things with him because I want to have the conversation with him because it's important for me to, to stay connected to them. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Ali Taylor 44:28
And that's, that's really important in the same way that like, you know, a marriage is a partnership. You know, the company that you work for, that is a partnership, even if, you know, I know that sometimes the imbalance of power is there, but it's still as a partnership, right? They're required the the labor and the effort of the employees in the corporation. They're expecting the leadership of the management and the direction that they're providing. So there's that partnership there. And I just think what's really powerful about the pause is there's the relationship that we have with ourselves, and being intentional about how we connect with ourselves so that we can be intentional in how we connect with others.

Kim Groshek 45:08
Yes, that's a that's big, because here's the thing. I coach C suite executives, the C suite executives are typically thinking the employees are doing or wanting to do with theirs leaning. Yeah, many times there's a disconnect, and somewhere along the line, and the thing that I teach C suite executives specifically, is the pause first. Yeah. Because there are many times they're standing in front of the whole 1000 people, right, the whole whatever they do, and they aren't taking a pause to hear the audience to hear their employees. Right. And they employees aren't hearing are feeling not heard. Yeah. So that's critical. Yeah, yeah.

Ali Taylor 46:02
All right. Well, we're just about at the end of our time, so I'd like you to sort of wrap it up. Just what's one piece of wisdom that you'd like to share in part before we go,

Kim Groshek 46:16
guess what, I encourage each of you to just practice a pause for at least 15 minutes a day. And then let me know how it goes. I have a newsletter that you can sign up for. Reach out to me and I'll be glad to connect with you and support you in you know if it works for you and your community. And, yeah, just practice, pause, practice applause. Love that.

Ali Taylor 46:48
Well, Kim, thank you so much for being here today. Taking time out of your day to share your experience and your wisdom with us so many golden nuggets. It's gonna be hard to choose which one the posts for Friday. But yeah, this is great, great conversation. Thank you for being here. And I will see everyone next week with my next guest.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai